What the hell man? I live a pretty good life, so I try not to complain. I'm spoiled rotten, fed a bit too much (can't even see my feet), and able to sleep as much as I want for a good 3 months. All for the price of what though? To be woken up by a restless crowd of people every year on the same day? I don't even know what a damn shadow is but there's all this murmur about whether or not I see it. Then that awful dark creature starts mocking me again! I see it about 80% of the time and my psychologist back at the burrow insists it's not real. But it is. I try to ignore it even though it was following my every move from right under me. I react to it and this damn crowd goes nuts! Oh and then you'll never believe this! Some jackass comes up to me with a phone and forces me to send a text message, A TEXT MESSAGE! And even worse, I'm forced to update my twitter. Gosh, I hate that thing. Oprah, I get that you love Obama and your fans but I don't care about your new twin dogs. Damn technology, I saw this coming. Why do you think I tried getting the hell out last year? My wife, Phyllis, she wants out too. She can't go anywhere without being asked if she's that famous groundhog's wife. I've put up with this for far too long. I'm 124 years old for goodness sake! I don't know how considering my cholesterol is off the charts. Whatever man, I'm going back to sleep. Wake me up when winter's ACTUALLY over. And I want none of you assholes to spam my formspring, alright?!
Love always, Phil
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